Sexy Snack Tip of the Day

Don't let your trainer catch you shoving a chocolate croissant in your mouth he A) won't believe it is a protein bar and B) make you do squats until you leak pee.

It's Getting Hot in Here, So Take off All Your Clothes...

Darling Husband, Baby Boy and I were enjoying an early dinner at the pub after skiing yesterday. We were sitting by the fireplace and it was roasting our already steaming souls.

"Aren't you sweating?" DH asked as he pulled at his wool sweater layered over his long john shirt.

"It feels like it is 105 degrees. Why don't you take off your sweater?" I turned away looking to see if we could move to a table away from the inferno.

When I turned back DH was sitting there naked from the waist up, obvious oblivious to his newly found coolness, as he handed Baby Boy crayons.

"Dear God, NO!" I yelped garnering the attention of all the surrounding tables.

Mortified, Dh yanked his undershirt from the tangled mess of discarded clothes.

It got us 2 free rounds of margaritas. Who knew DH had an inner stripper?

Somewhat Sexy Naptime

Can it be considered a true Sexy Naptime if during "the (fabulously spontaneous) afternoon delight" you realize when you were out skiing the DOG had been on the couch and therefore you immediately break out in hives and sneezes?

Sexy Gorp

I love trail mix. Actually, I love picking the M & M's out of the trail mix and calling it a day.

I made the mistake of eating some trail mix in front of Baby Boy the other day. He, of course, as he is in a Monkey-See Monkey phase, wanted some.

I picked out microscopic pieces of peanuts and some soft raisins to dump into his jungle bowl (the only thing he will eat out of these days). He gobbled it up and asked for "Mo! Mo!"

On this second helping, a damn M & M made its way into his bowl. When he quickly asked for "Mo!" I saw his bowl was still full, minus the chocolate. Now, like mother like son, he is quite adept at picking out the

M & M's from amidst the raisins and nuts and calling it a day.

I don't know why I just stop kidding myself and start buying bags of plain M & M's. I guess it feels healthier this way.

Toddler on a Plane Part 2

The flight home was hell. Four hours of a screaming, hollering, tantrum throwing toddler. Yes, I was THAT person that everyone wanted to toss from the emergency exit at 40,000 feet.

All the DVD's, special toys, snacks, stickers, dinosaurs, magnadoodles were for naught (thank god I saved the receipts)...our attempts at distraction pissed him off more causing fellow travelers to make mental notes to schedule vasectomies and tube tyings for Monday.

Thirty minutes from landing, Darling Husband and I sweaty, exhausted and humilated, ordered a bottle of wine from a flight attendant who could only hope the bottle would be used as a club.

Chug. Chug. Chug from us.

Silence from Baby Boy.

After all that and all we had to do was give him an airline wine bottle and wadded napkins for him to stuff inside. (With maybe a drop or two leftover for good measure.)

Toddler on a Plane, part 1

It was in the moment Baby Boy bolted down the airplane aisle and crashed through the first- class curtain that I thought this trip was a bad idea.

It was in the moment the flight attendant deposited said yowling child on my lap (as an intercom voice reminded us that “the first class cabin is for ticketed passengers only”) that everyone else thought this trip was a bad idea.

A few years back there was a B-list horror movie called Snakes on a Plane. I put forth to those who wrote this theatrical gem that if you are in need of a sequel, Toddler on a Plane will guarantee an unprecedented fear of flying...

Sexy Caramel Delights

Girl Scout Cookie time has arrived.

My husband mandated that this year I was only allowed to order 5 boxes of Caramel Delights after ordering 3 cases when I was pregnant (and eating them all). I had a call from my little Scout saying she would leave the treats on my porch. The vision of those purple boxes filled with sinful goodness kept me going that whole day.

Until I got home and realized some woodland creature had been there first.

Oh, so sad.