Wednesday, November 30, 2011

The Pizza Man

My son is in that phase that most 3-year olds go through when they only eat one food. (At least I tell myself they go through this.) I wish I could I brag that his one food is avacado or sardines, but it is CHEESE PIZZA WITH CHEESE.

That's how he asks for it.

At every meal. For days and weeks and months now.

When my cravings co-exist with his, I let him have it. I order a salad and sneak bites of his when he isn't looking. That way, I can't possibly gain weight since I personally didn't order it. Do you see an empty pan with several discarded crusts in front of me, do you? DO YOU?

He always catches me nibbling at his precious pie. This is the ensuing scene, everytime:

"What's in your mouth, mama? What's in there???" As his sharp nails attempt to rip my lips apart.

"Eet's sawad." I say with my lips closed as I gulp the unchewed portion and the boiling cheese scars my throat. Again.

Then he sees some renegade sauce.

I hold my breath as he throws his head back and wails like his puppy just got run over. Today, it was so bad I had to lie to the panicked waiter and tell him BB had pinched his finger in the chair. (That got us a free dessert, so note-to-self...)

Afterwards, I wrapped up the rest of the pizza for him to take to school tomorrow. He flipped out that the teachers would all try to sneak bites, therefore he couldn't possibly bring it for lunch.

I have ruined this child, and more importantly pizza, for us all.

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