Dating vs Marriage

When you are dating, you would NEVER allow your lover to see you:

-Put on Spanx

-Deal with ingrown bikini-line hairs

-Investigate your pores in a magnifying mirror

-Do anything with tampons or yeast infections

-Doing a stealth sniff of your armpits to make sure you don't smell

-Pick scabs

-Put on Rogaine

-Tweeze stray tummy hairs

-Pick toenails

-Get lint balls out of your belly button

When you are married, that is just called "getting ready for bed."

Sexy Chapstick

My lips were so chapped while driving today. I reached into my purse and fiddled around until I felt the cylindrical shape of my new hemp/mango lip balm (that Baby Boy had also secretly discovered and ate most of for lunch yesterday).

Let me add here that I had gone to Staples to get BB some activity books that involved pasting, which calls for glue sticks. I had hidden one in my purse so he wouldn't see the bag and want to play with it.

Guess which one ended up slathered all over my parched lips.

And they say texting while driving is dangerous...

Menu du Jour

Do you know what Baby Boy has eaten today?

M and M's and butter.

For as much as I would like to promise we would slide on down to the fruit or at the very least the carbs level. We clung to the tippity top of the food pyramid and for as tired as I feel right now, the top is good enough.

The Interpreter

Darling Husband called asking where we keep "The Fat Girls" movie.

The whaaaat? I could hear Baby Boy in the background throwing a huge fit wanting to watch the "Fat Girls! Fat Girls!"

"Maybe it's a Youtube thing?" he asked.

"Yeah, because our three-year old spends so much time surfing fat chicks on Youtube," I snapped.

I quickly scanned through my Toddler-Speak Rolodex.

"The Fraggles."

Phew...I didn't know how we were going to fake our way through that one!

A "Washable" Disclosure

On any brand of kid's paint, the heavily optimistic words, WASHABLE!!!! should be lawfully encased in quotation marks. In big, bold, neon ones. In theory, everything is "washable," and that does not necessarily mean "cleanable."

If "washable" were the case, I would not have a child covered in blue paint, slightly faded (after 55 minutes in the tub) to look like bruises. I think I am going to have to keep him home from school this week lest a teacher see these splotches and send his file to DHS.

At least Darling Husband has a handmade Valentine to look forward to, even if it is all blue and layered so thick it will take 2 weeks to dry.

Valentime's Day Priority

I awoke at 6am to Baby Boy singing this from his room:

"It Val-em-time's Daaaay. I do get to eat chocolate wif out even pooping in the poddy!"

Whatever makes your day, hope it is filled with love...and calories!

Stopping the Sugar Bribes

Here is a SAT question that didn't make the cut:

If Baby Boy gets one Hershey Kiss for each time he pees and two for each time he poos in the potty, how many does that amount to by the time he is in college?

Now that he is so good about going in the potty (instead of saying "I have to pee" he says, "I'm getting chocolate!"), how do I wean him off of the candy? My fear is that A) he will regress and start peeing on the rugs we just had cleaned or B) when he is 80 he will be screaming at his nurses, "Get me my goddam Charleston Chew!"