One Stop Shopping for the Republican in Your Life

If you buy a new pick-up truck this dealer is offering a FREE AK-47.

I have a sneaking suspicion Sarah Palin's Alaska may the underwriter on this promotion.

Happy Valentine's Day, automatic weapons notwithstanding.

Want Clean Teeth? What NOT to Say!

If you don't brush your teeth...

"...your teeth will fall out."

"...the sugar monsters will come and eat your teeth when you're asleep."

"...your teeth will be filled with black holes when you wake up."

"...no cute girls will want to kiss you!"

"...you won't be able to chew and you will have to drink all your food like a shake!"

Ironically, the prospect of any of these happening is way too interesting to pass up for a 3-year old. Too bad bribing him with M and M's sends the wrong message.

Those Sexy Brownies

When DH came home and went for a brownie, he quickly realized they were gone.

"What happened to all those brownies you made last night?"

Who knew all those passing-by nibbles actually added up to a whole pan? (My thighs know, natch.)

"Well, I made those to bring to Baby Boy's school for a, uh, post-snow day treat."

"Huh. I was really looking forward to eating one all day. It was the only bright spot in my otherwise crappy, crappy day."

So, if anyone from BB's class is reading this and DH asks you how those brownies were, you say THEY. WERE. DELICIOUS.

My thighs thank you.

Quote of the Day

Screw Morrie--here's to Tuesday's with Vodka.

If We are What We Eat, Then...

This is how the conversation went in the morning:

ME: "Are you eating something? What is in your mouth?"

Baby Boy: "Mshakjhdfs fjmmmmm (swallow) NO!"

ME as I try to pry open his lips: "It is not snack time! I am making you breakfast!" As wet, lumps of chocolately bits splattered onto my bare feet. "Spit the rest out in the trash!"

This is how the conversation went last night.

Baby Boy: "Mama what in yourn mouth? Want in mine mouth, too!"

ME, with my back to him as I try to swallow whole M and M's which are sacred for potty training: "Nothing honey I am just trying not to sneeze."

BB: "No, mama. See you chew! What is?? What is!!!!!!!"

As a blue M and M escaped and rolled over to his foot, I knew I was busted. Then my sweet boy says, "Oh! Good mama. Means Mama peed on potty. Get M-uh-M's. Mama pee more?"

So forgiving at that age...

Me vs the Couch

It was one of those days...no, one of those weeks when Thursday and the guilt-free wine session that comes with it could not come fast enough.

Baby Boy went to bed early. I made myself a fabulous salad (don't think I am a banner a health, it is a last ditch effort to lose 5 pounds before going on vacation in two days after a week of pasta, Trader Joe's pizza and chocolate), popped open the wine and threw myself on the couch so excited to watch some Real Housewives.

The problem was that the SCAT MAT we have on the couch to keep the dog off was still on there (it is basically clear so it is very hard to see) and I was zapped to high hell.

"WHAT THE "^&%^*%^*# &^&^(#&^&^@*(@*(*(#&^#!!!!"

Sadly, this scream only confirmed Baby Boy's worst fear that all the interesting, fun stuff goes on when he is in bed.

Guess who is helping me type this? So much for a guilt-free night!!