Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Detox Your Box

I received an email about a charity event coming up called "Detox your Toybox." I assume it is to donate under-used toys. Though funny how when faced with parting with a truck that hasn't been touched in months, all of a sudden it is Baby Boy's "most favorite." Cleaning out clutter is a wonderful way to spend a Sexy Naptime--or twelve--you can wear the frilly outfit if it makes you feel better. 
This is the first week that I have been Maid-Free. The word Maid is probably very un-PC and conjures up wonderful images of a uniform clad English woman waking me up with an espresso served in a vintage demitasse each morning.
Our "maid", whom I was allowed to hire when I preggo since (allegedly) the smell of chemicals make me sick, actually made the house messier. Her slogan was, "I won't sweep it under the rug." That is true--mainly because she never moved a rug or chair or anything. She was the master of cleaning around things. I had to clean up before she came and again after she left--and I never got coffee out of the deal. And over the past few months she started bringing along her 78-year old mother "to help" but I found her asleep in the guest room twice! At least she was sleeping and not Option B. 
But it was someone to help out and I never complained. However, a year and a half after giving birth, Darling Husband called me out on the waste of money since as far as he could tell, if the smell of tequila didn't make me sick, why would Windex?
So today finds me cleaning the house. Yet apparently she took all of our cleaning supplies because all I could find was an old bottle of Resolve. Yay! Target trip tomorrow!
Since I can't Detox the Toybox so to speak, let's talk about Detoxing the other Box, which is probably no less underused and filled with cobwebs. 
Our dear Vaginas. They are crying out for some seasonal cleaning. Google searching "How to Cleanse Your Vagina" actually tells one not to douche, especially as a form of birth control since it can push the spermies further into the vagina. (A fun tip to save for when you ARE trying to get preggo.) 
But as we all know appearances are the key to the sex game, so make a reservation to get a Brazilian. Don't even tell your lover what you are plotting--the reaction is half of the fun. And wah-wah no they don't hurt that bad. Heaven's woman--you squeezed a baby out of there!
Plus, as we all know, beauty is pain--and that little trip to Rio is so worth it. 

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