Friday, October 2, 2009

Working on the "Inner Sexiness".

They say true beauty is on the inside. And it doesn't get more "inside" than the Kegel muscle. If a woman is a Tootsie roll pop, the kegel muscle is the chewy goodness at the center that you never quite make it to, but are all too aware of. 
After squeezing out a baby, Moms get lectured by their midwives and friends to "Do your Kegels." But really, who does? Out of sight, out of mind. 
But I wish I had listened because laughing, sneezing, coughing and walking quickly reduces me to a 74-year old woman who has to back out of the room because pee has gotten a mind of its own. 
Kegel exercises strengthen the muscles of the pelvic floor. By not doing these, you risk Female Genital Prolape, which is characterized by a portion of the vaginal canal protruding from the opening of the vagina. 
Hang on, I just threw up in my mouth. 
If they had told me THAT after childbirth, I would be the marathoner of the Kegel. I would be the Lance Armstrong of it. 
Nothing has fallen out of my snatch thus far, but no time like the present to start. Today's Sexy Naptime Project: 3 sets of 10 Kegels, held for 10 seconds each. 
Before we begin, let's go over the proper form. Really, you can be anywhere: car, dining room table, shower, even during sex! In fact, as soon as your lover stops mid-thrust and asks what you are doing, you know the reps are working! 
Basically, you pull up and tighten the same muscle you hold when you have to pee but are nowhere near a bathroom or suitable Tupperware container. 
Three sets of 10, held for 10 seconds each. Ready? 
I'm done. We will wait a few moments for the overachievers. 
Well done, everybody!
From now on, when we are in the car, we have to do them every time a Miley Cyrus song comes on. 
Let's get those stretched out daisies back to their glory days!

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