Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Out with the Old, in with the Bzzzzzz.

You former babysitters are as guilty as I am. Step back into your fifteen year old self. Friday night. Kids are asleep. The frozen pizza is gone. Since they don't have cable (and the president is giving a speech) there is nothing to watch. So, you snoop. It starts innocently enough: what books line the shelves; trying the locked box on top of the cabinet; peeking at the checkbook balance; finally trying on those fabulous shoes/lipstick/wedding dress...then you find yourself perched on the king sized bed. 
You tell yourself not to, but your fingers ignore you as they slide open the bedside drawer exposing the dirty side of the people that pay you $4.00/hr to watch their children. 
Jump to today. I had my sitter come over so I could go to the grocery store without Baby Boy grabbing everything in site and chucking it at passersby. 
It occurred to me on Isle 7 that "OMG, what if she is going through MY drawer?"
As soon as I got home I ran upstairs and looked at my room as if I was her. Very pretty and clean--but focus on my night stand: 8 books that I either started and didn't like or have been telling myself (for years) to read; ancient alarm clock I have had since 1993 (That Sony won't die!), a bottle of massage oil so thick with greasy dust that I immediately toss it and a tube of Bio Freeze, a god send for one who carries a 24 lb toddler around; Bag Balm and plain Chapstick. 
Christ I'm 65. 
Opening the drawer, I am horrified that the expired lube has cracked open and soaked my Passport with 2 oz of water-based Her Pleasure. There are other things that shimmy and shake, but have been neglected along with a few blurry love letters (also violated with KY) and broken reading glasses. 
Dump. It. All. 
Today's Sexy Naptime: Making Over the Naughty Drawer. This will have to be in two parts since I can't hop off to the sexy shop today. But at least it isn't sticky now. 
When you get home, go through your drawer and get rid of all the crap. 
I need to get back that sex kitten that loved shopping for the newest toys and stealing batteries from the remotes in order to try them. 
More on this tomorrow. Now I have to call and get my Passport reissued. 

1 comment: